I THINK MY BRAIN IS FULL

CURSES.
I missed my chance. Last night, Russell Howard ‘performed’ in Brighton, and I wasn’t there, waiting outside, to force a brick into his face at high speeds.
I’ve let you all down, but most importantly, I’ve let myself down.

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me
 

Tim Burton’s recent readaptation of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory is, put simply, fucking excellent.
I was a big fan of the book when I was young and as a result of that, a […]

When I was about 15 years old, I wanted nothing more than to be able to play the guitar like J Mascis of Dinosaur Jr. Well, that and a few sweaty hours with Cindy Crawford, trying to remove that mole from her face. The first gig I went to that wasn’t in either a pub […]

Russell Howard is on tour. This is a golden opportunity for the eagle-eyed amongst you to track him down and twat him on the chin.
He’s doing a show in Brighton. I firmly intend on being outside when he finishes, so I can accost him and tell him all about himself. 29th of November. It’s not […]

Look alert. Christmas is coming and this particularly turkey is getting fat. It’s training, shut up.
This impending festivity has given rise to a veritable tsunami of toy adverts, as with any other year. However, this festive season’s offerings seem to have paled in comparison to all that have come before.
So far this year, I have […]

I’ve just got back from doing the laundry. Exciting stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree.
While I was there, I noticed three couples that had journeyed out to the laundrette together. Why? Why would you do this? It’s not exactly a fun day out and, unless I’m missing a trick somewhere, isn’t really a romantic destination.
I can […]

The Funfair is in town! YAY! I love the Funfair. I don’t like going on the rides, I don’t like the stalls and I don’t like the overwhelming presence of chavs swilling down whatever super-strength lager they have secreted in their jacket pockets.

I like the paint jobs on the sides of the rides. Let’s have […]