I THINK MY BRAIN IS FULL

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me

Tim Burton’s recent readaptation of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory is, put simply, fucking excellent.

I was a big fan of the book when I was young and as a result of that, a big fan of the 1971 film, Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder. I find it hard to believe there is anyone out there that hasn’t seen this film, or read the Roald Dahl classic, but for anyone clueless about this whole chocolate thing, it’s basically about a young boy, Charlie Bucket, who lives with his mother, father, and four grandparents, in a tiny little shack. Willy Wonka is the child-like owner of a rather grand chocolate factory, where he leads a reclusive life creating candy for kids. After many years of shunning the population, he announces that five children and their guardian of choice will be allowed into the factory for a day, which has been closed to the public for many years. Five golden tickets are placed into five chocolate bars and sent out around the world. It’s a simple premise and, as with many of Dahl’s stories, it’s a captivating story that revels in minute attention to detail.

Burton breathes fresh air all over the story with the usual stunning visual flair. Crooked lines and swirling black and white spirals are present, as they always are, stamping his trademark on the proceedings from the outset. A fabulous intro sequence takes us through the process of the tickets being concealed into bars with slick CGI, accompanied by the now-obligatory Danny Elfman soundtrack. The story opens up and gets underway with superb pacing which never falters throughout. Burton, like Dahl, is a master of creating a sense of innocent, yet sinister, presence.

The original film is a much slower affair. Though it does hold the audience in the palm of their hand, the technology of the time was far simpler and only allowed the film to be carried by the performances of the cast. Gene Wilder did a typically sterling job as Wonka, giving off an air of a twisted recluse that seemed to enjoy the company of his visitors, whilst maintaining a cold and distant relationship with them. It appears the only love he has is for the Oompa Loompas that operate his factory - a stark white palatial structure on the inside, a dark dull dirty brick monstrosity on the outside. The original Oompa Loompas are orange dwarves with green hair that sing a menacing song each time a foolish child meets a fitting end.

As you’d probably expect, Burton’s interpretation is a much, much darker one. While the Oompa Loompas are still present, gone are the green wigs and heavy doses of carrot juice. Instead, they are brought to life by a single man, Deep Roy, who is, to all intents and purposes, a shrunken Rodney Bewes. I have to say, I reserve the highest praise for Roy’s performance in this film, as he singlehandedly portrays the entire population of a fictional nation with the greatest aplomb. He is quite clearly loving every minute of it. And rightly so, as he gets to steal the show time and time again, delivering some of the funniest moments of the film.

For me, the film’s best moments spark to life as soon as Deep Roy appears. Generally, this means that one of the children has fallen to temptation and must be escorted from the scene by the many Oompa Loompas that Roy portrays. And that means it’s song time. The moment Violet Beauregarde begins to swell and turn purple, we’re treated to some real actual funk, with a dirty fat bassline and some rather splendid and diminutive disco dancing Deeps. As ever, Elfman’s music carries us along with an expected charm and flair. And this is how it goes, throughout the film. In the 1971 flick, the Oompa Loompas had just the one song, adapted to fit each demise. Here, we have funk, swing and a glorious homage to the airy-fairy hippy nonsense of the 70’s. These songs give the air of menace that’s fitting, but also a sense of fun that the rather clinical original was missing.

The assembled child actors are as annoying and frustrating as they should be. Veruca Salt has the grin of the Aphex Twin, and made me want to scratch through the palms of my hands. Mike Teevee is brash and arrogant, shouting each line, and constantly being accused of mumbling by Wonka. The corpulent Augustus Gloop stuffs his face and barks his lines like an Alsatian and, finally, the precocious Violet Beauregarde chews like a camel until she meets her violet-tinged end. You realise early on that there will be no sympathy for these children when, upon entering the factory and introducing themselves to Wonka, he mutters under his breath “I don’t care”.

Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who’s to blame

Now, what you really want to hear about is the true stars. I’m not stupid. Girls, you’re here to read about Johnny Depp - I’ll get on to him in a minute. Now there’s a phrase I bet you wish you could utter with the utmost honesty. Freddie Highmore, who plays Charlie, is nothing less than perfect and apparently came into the production by Depp’s personal recommendation after working with him in Finding Neverland. His performance is understated and subtle, and he doesn’t make you want to break off parts of your own anatomy. The decision to retain the original book’s character’s nationality and not cast him as a little blond American moppet, as they did in the original film with Peter Ostrum, was the right choice. The story, as with all of Dahl’s works, is a quintessentially British one and in Highmore, they have found the most suitable candidate. He is calm, gentle and reserved, as Charlie should be. I predict a bright future for him and hope that he defies the curse that Ostrum suffered. Peter Ostrum is now a Vet and made no other films after Chocolate Factory V.1.

On to Depp… He’s brilliant. I’d go as far as to say this is one of his strongest and most enjoyable performances to date. I’m not kidding when I say I’d go gay for him. Even with the ginger-bob haircut and ultra-white gnashers that he sports in this film. His childish innocence is perfectly juxtaposed with his obvious hatred for the children gathered in his factory and the delight that he displays as each of them falls is quite a joy to behold. Much of Depp’s performance echoes earlier turns, from Edward Scissorhands to Hunter S Thompson, and as far as Ed Wood. And as with each of these performances, he, like Deep Roy, is obviously having a lot of fun. Depp turns in a glorious portrayal of the deeply disturbed and detached chocolatier showing greater subtlety in his range than the three Pirates of the Caribbeans films have afforded him in recent times. Girls, you will still fancy him after this.

Burton has once again proved himself to be a master of his art and, while I have seen a couple of his films that have failed to excite (Sleepy Hollow, Planet of the Apes), has shown himself to be one of the most visually gifted directors in modern times. The grandiose sets, the lavish musical numbers… it all lends itself to a production that feels huge. As huge as Wonka’s personality. As with Dahl’s book, this isn’t just something for kids and has something for everyone, which will keep even the most cynical and sceptical adult spellbound until the credits roll. Do yourself a favour and run out and rent this now.

Go.

Now.

One last thing before I go… There’s a song in the original film, sung by Gene Wilder, that gave me the fear. This sort of thing is definitely not for kids. But there you go. It’s one of the reasons I’m as well adjusted as I am.