Hooray! Porn sites have started to spam my comments. It’s brilliant. I can catch them before they ever appear, because I’m not a fucking idiot.
So, a word to anyone trying to post porn spam:
Don’t bother. I’m recording and blocking your IPs, you spastics.
BYE!
Fuck yeah! It’s Stat Time. Shut up and enjoy it, it’s a good one this time. I’ve had some incredibly satisfying searches this month, which I’m about to ram down your neck, through your eyes.
BASTARD HATS - I practically invented these. In fact, I invented hats and trousers and mangles. I’m a very clever boy. […]
Keira Knightley, professional skeleton and part-time coat stand has been dead for the last four years. Her emaciated body is actually controlled from the inside by a six inch tall primordial dwarf called Martin, who uses an intricate set up of levers and pulleys to animate her corpse in the style you’ve become accustomed to. […]
The Britney Spears Wheel of Fortune lurched round once more today, with the announcement that she still isn’t allowed to see her kids. I feel for her, I really do.
As we all know, the last time Ms Spears saw her kids, she ended up in a stand off with the Police, resulting in her being […]
Everyone is a big fan of something. Me? I love Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’m Alan Partridge and pissing on the parades of the self assured and insecure. You’re probably a big fan of me, because I’m really awesome. In fact, you probably go around telling people the address of this site, whilst quoting some of […]
I really don’t like Will Ferrell.
Really. He’s probably one of the most avidly watched actors in the world today. Millions of people turn out to watch his movies. He’s the actor equivalent of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Will Ferrell makes the same film over and over again and still coins it in.
It’s probably your […]
Anonymous - Tomahawk. Mike Patton is a very odd man. Filling hotel hairdryers with his own faeces to ensure a face full of hot shit for the next patron is certainly one of the greatest stories of all time, but is that enough to garner credibility? Well, no, of course it’s not, but Patton has […]
Hello you.
I’m growing increasingly concerned with a trend in popular music. Red Hot Chili Peppers Syndrome. It’s been happening for a long time now and it has to stop. Artists like the Chili Peppers, amongst others, are mocking their fans by releasing the same album over and over again, barely changing the songs and rejigging […]
It’s true. The 1980s were rubbish. I was there, I saw it with my own eyes.
There is far too much fond nostalgia for a decade that, basically, sucked. Too many people hold the ’80s in high regard and it’s starting to make me feel sick. The clothes, the hair, the music. There is no need […]
What is the benchmark for whether or not you should add someone on Facebook?
If it’s someone you worked with for a couple of years and got along well with, but never actually spent time with outside of work, can they be considered a friend? Are they a friend if you have them on your friend […]
LP - Holy Fuck. Holy Fuck have a brilliant name. On the one hand, it conjurs up images of some lank-haired surfer, exclaiming in fear as a truck appears in the sky over his head. On the other, it suggests the Pope, approaching you from behind with a look of maniacal glee on his face. […]
Right, see, the thing about burritos is, no matter how small you cut them up when you’re eating them, it still feels like the thing has re-formed like Voltron in your stomach.
What I’m saying is, it feels like you’re passing the entire thing in one, when it finally relinquishes its grip on your gut.
Enjoy your […]
I watch a lot of films. Life is short and I intend to waste mine with idle loafing in front of screens that make me mentally infertile. What could be better? In fact, that’s where I’ve been for the last few days. Don’t worry! Bud’s not dead!
I’ll tell you about Superbad. It’s a very funny […]
Forget Parkour, Skateboarding and all those other extreme sports. Last night, I witnessed the birth of a new dangerous activity for kids who haven’t got the fear yet.
I was on the bus, right at the front. As the bus pulled round in front of Churchill Square, the local shopping mall and home of the undead, […]
I’ve been listening to more music, because I win at life.
Pink + Green - Venetian Snares. I hadn’t heard Venetian Snares until very recently. I’ll warn you now, this isn’t for everyone, so you may want to find a review of the latest Mika album and listen to that instead. I was over at a […]