I THINK MY BRAIN IS FULL

I’ve not done a games review on here before. My games reviewing hat is much like my music reviewer’s hat, only it’s in binary and it’s got Patrick Moore’s face on it. When I’m wearing it, my eyes get all pink and I make involuntary wheezes. I’ll probably not wear it very often.

My favourite game for the last ten years has been Grand Theft Auto, in its many guises. It’s quite simply the only game that allows me to be as morally free as I’d like to be. It’s the only game that allows me to explore a ridiculously detailed world. It’s the only game that will let me follow tramps around, whilst listening to them sing about their super powers. It’s the only game I really care about. I used to have a serious gaming problem. I’d spend hours and hours every day playing games.

Even back when I was a slightly rotund child, I would easily lose up to 10 hours a day playing poorly realised games. The sort of games where you’d feel like a champion for making a four colour sprite successfully maneouvre from one side of the screen to the other. Basically, what I’m describing here is shitty old games that losers defiantly hold in high-regard because they wasted so much time on them as children that they feel rabid defense is the only way to justify all that time investment. Shit old games.

 Grand Theft Auto IV is the first GTA game to grace both the Xbox360 and the PS3. I bought an Xbox just for this game. It required me selling every console I owned in order to scrimp together the cash. Consoles aren’t cheap. I knew in my heart that this was a game that had to be played. I’d played the others pretty much on release day, so I wanted this new, pretty version to be no exception. I knew that this game would be graphically superior to previous versions. That there would be new features. That the game would be incredibly immersive, as that’s how Rockstar’s games tend to be.

 I wasn’t prepared for quite how beautiful and awesome the game really is.

OK, let’s go over some basics quickly. These snippets of fact are there for those of you that haven’t played the game before. Shame on you, loser.

• It’s set in Liberty City - a fictional interpretation of modern-day New York.
• The lead protagonist is Niko Bellic - some sort of Serbian war veteran. He’s handy with guns, knives and can fly a helicopter. Handy, that.
• You have the ability to roam a gigantic landscape that is realistic and brimming with life. Pedestrians go about their daily day-to-days and act like ordinary people would.
• The game features a new physics engine, Euphoria, which realistically models pedestrian’s and character’s reactions on the fly, making for some incredible moments of gaming.
• Letting off a grenade in a crowded area is fun.

That’s the basics covered.

 What really sets GTA IV apart from other games is the cinematic feel of the game. It’s incredibly detailed. Rooms no longer feel like cardboard boxes filled with Action Man figures, in which someone has loosely scattered some furniture. The streets no longer feel like vast empty spaces, devoid of life and activity. Liberty City feels huge. Buildings finally adhere to real-world scaling and feel like they should. I’ve lived in a major city and walked around the skyscrapers. The feeling of concrete, ever-present and always towering, has been nailed completely. It goes beyond cinematic and into simulation. Your character feels weighty as he struts around like a bad-ass. You almost feel like you’re there. Almost.

 Rockstar have put a lot of effort into writing the story this time around. Characters are no longer 2D, as it were, but are fully fleshed out. They are emotional, they are realistic. You could easily begin to care about them, if you’re prepared to spend a lot of time with them. Which you will, as a result of the new ‘friends system’. You have to take your friends out and entertain them, when you’re not blowing up cars and flicking the Vs at police men (note: Sadly, you cannot flick the Vs at police men, in game - you can however flick your own Vs at the screen, whilst shoving them in the face). The more time you spend with them, the more they open up to you. More of their own story will be slowly revealed to you. Even after completing the main story mode, I’m learning more and more about the few friends you meet. They’re really quite intriguing. Little things like changing the radio in your car, only for them to respond to the music that’s playing… that’s neat. In particular, whilst ferrying my Rastafarian contact around, turning to the Bob Marley-themed station, with him responding “that’s my tune, star”. Simply genius.

Amidst the rags-to-slightly-better-rags story of GTA IV, there are, of course, many missions for you to attempt. These range from simple chase missions, to drug running, to gunning down Russians on a large freighter. I’m trying not to spoil anything here by using specifics. However, let it be noted that the missions, whilst on the whole are very easy, are very satisfying to play and your primary reward for playing through them is the experience they have so accurately and realistically brought to life. Missions in GTA games have, for me, always been slightly secondary. I prefer to just wander around the city, causing shit for anyone that happens to bump into me. I like to explore. I like to take my time and have a look at what’s going on around me. There’s been so much effort put in to making the city feel alive that it would be stupid not to take a look at it all. I finished the missions very rapidly, faster than any previous GTA game I’d played and, although this was slightly disappointing, I understand that a game of this calibre and scope deserves to be played by casual gamers and hardcore gamers alike, so this low level of difficulty seems appropriate. There’s plenty of other stuff to do on the side, once you’re finished taking Niko to hell and back.

 The amount of stuff to do has caused some concern amongst the hardcore GTA fans. I’ve spent a lot of time reading GTAForums and have seen that people can get upset by the most trivial things. In GTA: San Andreas, released nearly 4 years ago, the player could take their character to the gym, work him out, buy him loads of different clothes, feed him, get his hair cut… all the sort of mindless distraction that was thrown in to add “realism”. I’ve used the word “realistic” quite a lot so far in this review, so I’ll just touch on that a bit more here. GTA IV dispensed with these needless role-playing game-like elements, in order to bring the most realistic experience they could to a player. Many were upset to see things like planes, parachutes, bicycles and character/car customisation removed. These are the people that probably hoon around the city at full speed in the most expensive sports car they can find, only to wrap it around a tree then run around spraying bullets like air freshener. That’s not for me. I like to play at a sensible pace, not causing any more trouble than is necessary.

 Here lies the key to GTA IV: It rewards the patient player.

 Driving around in the now more realistic vehicles at a sensible speed, observing traffic laws and generally not drawing attention to yourself makes you feel more immersed. I’ve spent hours driving around with the radio off, exploring the city, listening to the hundreds of different pedestrians go about their days. Some of them aren’t even speaking English. Flipping on the cinematic camera mode and driving around, or just keebling around on foot leaves me feeling like an actual tourist in a real city. I’m starting to get to know the place. I’m starting to like it there. Crashing around at 120 miles-per with a bazooka attached to your head won’t give you the opportunity to spot how much research on New York has been done. Rockstar have really tried to bring you the most authentic and, yes, realistic experience a video game can offer. They’ve succeeded.

Taking your time and seeing the sights, walking alongside the natives… it just feels right.

 OK. I’ve gone on for long enough about how great the game feels. This atmosphere, alongside the stunning graphics and amazing sound slaps GTA quite firmly at the top of the “Most Accomplished and Stunning Games of All Times” list. It’s a very special list. Other GTA games are on there. Whilst the graphics may not be the most beautiful or realistic, they are good enough to deserve note. GTA games have always had a certain look to them, that feels somewhat cartoony. That is slowly fading away as newer more powerful technology is available. GTA IV doesn’t look photo-realistic, like other games, but it looks fucking excellent. Dynamic lighting, dynamic weather and bustling life make the game feel huge and real. Alive.

 The sound is greatly improved over previous games, too. Gone are the pea-shooter sound effects for guns. Gone are the gentle whines of engines. Guns go BANG. Cars go VROOM. Lightning rumbles and crashes around you. The rain can often be deafening. GTA is known not only for it’s incredible gaming experiences, but also for it’s rich and well selected soundtrack. Here, as usual, there are numerous radio stations, bringing you everything New York - a hardcore punk station screams FUCK YOU in your face. A classic rock station threatens overdose. A dancehall stations yells patois at you, whilst reeking of sensi. Techno, ambient, reggae, jazz. There’s something for everyone.

 Speaking of something for everyone, there is also now a multiplayer element to GTA. Sure, it’s more than likely that if you were to play this game online, you’d be spending quite a lot of your time getting shot in the face by 12 year old boys that have nothing better to do than question your sexuality, despite only truly learning what sexuality is within the last 3 or 4 months. You can ignore them. Instead of letting them ruin your experience, you can console yourself with 15 game modes, all of which are fun. Shooty-shooty, drivey-drivey. You know what to expect. The environment’s scale and the wealth of activity going on around you (all definable), coupled with a slapstick physics engine will give you some excruciatingly funny moments. And they’ll never be the same again. Again, this game is giving you moment after moment that you had to be there for.

 There’s so much I can say about this game. There’s so much I can witter on about that will probably go no way toward making you understand how much I love it. There’s no point. All I can do is suggest that you play it. Even if you’re not a gamer. Play it with an open mind and play it patiently. You’re directly in control of one of the most exciting block-buster movies you’ll ever see.

 You’re a fucking winner, baby.