I THINK MY BRAIN IS FULL

So, after moving out of my old flat, it turns out that a sizeble chunk of my deposit is being deducted, because I am a smoker. Yes, apparently, I was living in a non-smoking property, flagrantly flauting the rules and puffing away like a big fat chimney.

Except, according to my tenancy agreement, it’s OK to smoke in there. More to the point, there is nothing that stipulates at any point that it was a non-smoking property. What a bunch of bastards. Added to that, I’m being charged for the redecoration of the flat, because, at the landlord’s request, I washed all of the walls, which were covered in some sort of damp death-spores that resulted in me choking on WALL MUSHROOMS.

Here’s a picture of the nastiness. Warning: This is nasty. And nothing was done about it at the time. All the landlord did was offer me a dehumidifier. YEAH THANKS, THAT’LL HELP. This picture is about a year old and was not how it looked at its worst. It was about 10 times worse than this when I did the final clean up. And now I’m being charged for “marking the walls”.

As I’m sure you can imagine, I’m looking forward to shouting at someone over this.

Also, after many hours scrubbing the place, I’m being charged for them recleaning it. I’ll happily admit that the oven was not exactly clean, but everything else in the kitchen was spotless. I’m being charged for it. The landlord, who I spoke to today, said that he hadn’t had to redecorate when the previous tenant moved out, but thanks to the inventory I kept, I’ve observed that there, in plain sight, it says that the place was redecorated before I moved in. So, yet again, some backward fuck is trying to steal my money.

Now, here’s the best bit.

When I was moving out, I spoke to someone at the letting agency. He told me that the place was already awaiting a new tenant, who had viewed the property. I was never asked for permission for ANY viewings, so why this one took place, I don’t know. But lets just note here that it is 100% illegal for them to let themselves into the flat without my permission. I’m not a grass or nuffink, but I’m willing to inform the necessary agencies that this letting agent was unlawfully entering my property. The new tenant will no doubt back me up.

Now, here’s the worst bit.

Throughout the tenancy, I not only had to endure the shitty mouldy walls, the god awful Tory wanker neighbour and the woman upstairs who thought I stole her stepladder, but…

There was a slug problem. There. I’ve said it. Many mornings I woke up to see the snotty silver trails of some bastard slug that had wandered across my floors in the night. And I hadn’t even invited them in. There wasn’t any bvious entry point for them. They must have just passed through the walls via the magic of osmosis. Fear not, the latest greatest domicile of your esteemed author is not only surrounded by fairly nice neighbours, no mould and has a lovely view of other people’s gardens, but it is also on the first floor, so it would have to be an intrepid, 8ft tall slug that attempts to bust up into my yard.

Part of me desperately wants to reveal the name of the agency I’m currently suffering at the hands of, but for the sake of my personal and legal safety, I shall hold back on letting slip that particular nugget for now. If it all goes wrong when I go in to the office tomorrow to hurl abuse at them, I’ll post it up and you can all phone them up and cuss them.

BYE BYE/FUCK OFF.