I really don’t like the idea of some Scottish midget rifling through my shit.
Gillian McKeith, nutritionist to the stars (and the criminally fat) is not someone that is deserving of the celebrity status she now commands. This poisonous dwarf is making life a misery for those of us that like a good munch.
Look at her. […]
Hello, people of the internet. No doubt you’ve stumbled across this page because you’re either:
A) A well read and intelligent person.
B) Searching for pictures of Britney Spears in a straight jacket.
C) Not very good at clicking the right link.
Either way, you’re here now and you’re getting in the way. Stand in the corner and listen […]
I dislike cars. Which is odd, because I love Pimp My Ride. Where else can you watch a useful, albeit near-destroyed car carcass turned into a useless, yet attractive living room-on-wheels? Nowhere. Below is an image of a car that parks up near where I live. I see it most days. It’s an abomination, to […]
Hooray! Porn sites have started to spam my comments. It’s brilliant. I can catch them before they ever appear, because I’m not a fucking idiot.
So, a word to anyone trying to post porn spam:
Don’t bother. I’m recording and blocking your IPs, you spastics.
BYE!
Keira Knightley, professional skeleton and part-time coat stand has been dead for the last four years. Her emaciated body is actually controlled from the inside by a six inch tall primordial dwarf called Martin, who uses an intricate set up of levers and pulleys to animate her corpse in the style you’ve become accustomed to. […]
Everyone is a big fan of something. Me? I love Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’m Alan Partridge and pissing on the parades of the self assured and insecure. You’re probably a big fan of me, because I’m really awesome. In fact, you probably go around telling people the address of this site, whilst quoting some of […]
I really don’t like Will Ferrell.
Really. He’s probably one of the most avidly watched actors in the world today. Millions of people turn out to watch his movies. He’s the actor equivalent of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Will Ferrell makes the same film over and over again and still coins it in.
It’s probably your […]
Hello you.
I’m growing increasingly concerned with a trend in popular music. Red Hot Chili Peppers Syndrome. It’s been happening for a long time now and it has to stop. Artists like the Chili Peppers, amongst others, are mocking their fans by releasing the same album over and over again, barely changing the songs and rejigging […]
It’s true. The 1980s were rubbish. I was there, I saw it with my own eyes.
There is far too much fond nostalgia for a decade that, basically, sucked. Too many people hold the ’80s in high regard and it’s starting to make me feel sick. The clothes, the hair, the music. There is no need […]
Jeremy Beadle died yesterday. Proof, if need be, that karma really exists.
I’m sure someone, somewhere will miss this freak-handed prankster, but it won’t be me.
Here’s a second-hand (no pun intended) paraphrased anecdote from an old teacher of mine:
“I met Jeremy Beadle at some showbiz gathering once. He went to shake my hand and, upon offering […]
I used to really like Kevin Smith. Or, more specifically, I used to like Kevin Smith’s films. I can’t claim to like him, as I don’t know him.
When I first saw Clerks, around 12 years ago, I thought that it was a very funny film. The shot where Dante gets slapped around the face with […]
To the man in the silver Mitsubishi Shogun, who failed to use the indicators on his car this morning, nearly taking out a young girl in a pink parka…
You’re a tosser.
I don’t understand motorists. All that money spent on a nice expensive bit of metal and you don’t even use all of the features. […]
Life often leaves me with questions I can’t answer. Why are we here? Why does the toast always land butter-side down? Why the fuck do people keep letting Quentin Tarantino make films?
Last night, I watched Death Proof. That’s the Tarantino half of the misguided and ill-conceived ‘Grind House‘ project, which he made with Robert Rodriguez, […]
I think, right, that I’ve found someone that I hate more than Russell Howard. Don’t worry, I still hate him, but I think that Mika is now my true personal nemesis. Everything about him is offensive. Not least, his stupid face. Stupid stupid face. Look at him:
His simpering, stupid, self assured, narcissistic little stupid face. […]
CURSES.
I missed my chance. Last night, Russell Howard ‘performed’ in Brighton, and I wasn’t there, waiting outside, to force a brick into his face at high speeds.
I’ve let you all down, but most importantly, I’ve let myself down.